Dear Uncle Gary,
I’m the only one in my friend group who doesn’t want kids. They treat me like I’m missing something. Am I?
Signed, Missing Something
Dear Missing Something,
Let me tell you something that might surprise you. Not wanting kids isn’t a flaw. It’s a choice. And it’s one that deserves just as much respect as choosing to have them.
You’re not missing anything. You’re opting out of something, and that’s a very different thing. Choosing not to have children doesn’t mean you lack love, or depth, or purpose. It means you’ve looked at the menu of life and said, “I’ll pass on the parenting platter, thanks. I’m full on other things.”
Now, your friends may mean well. They may genuinely believe that parenthood is the ultimate fulfillment. And for them, maybe it is. But fulfillment isn’t one-size-fits-all. Some people find it in raising children. Others find it in building careers, creating art, traveling the world, mentoring, loving deeply, sleeping in past 6 a.m., you get the idea.
If they treat you like you’re missing something, it’s probably because they can’t imagine a life different from their own. That’s not judgment, it’s limitation. And it’s okay to gently remind them that your life isn’t a rehearsal for theirs.
You don’t owe anyone a baby. You owe yourself a life that feels honest, intentional, and whole. If you’ve made that choice with clarity and conviction, then you’re not missing anything. You’re living on purpose.
With love and a firm handshake.
