Dear Uncle Gary,
My adult child just came out as trans. I want to be supportive, but I’m terrified of saying the wrong thing. Where do I start?
Signed Confused Dad
Dear Confused Dad,
Let me start by saying this, your willingness to ask this question, to lean into the discomfort and uncertainty, is already a powerful act of love. You’re showing up. And that matters.
Now, when your child comes to you with something as deeply personal as their identity, it’s not just a moment, it’s a turning point. It’s a chance to affirm that your love isn’t conditional. That it doesn’t depend on expectations or assumptions. That it’s rooted in who they are, not who you thought they’d be.
You’re afraid of saying the wrong thing. That’s human. That’s honest. But don’t let fear keep you silent. Start with humility. Say, “I may not have the right words yet, but I’m here. I love you. I’m listening.” That’s the foundation. From there, you build.
And you don’t have to build alone. Family therapy can be a powerful space, not because something’s broken, but because you’re choosing to grow together. It’s a place to ask questions, to learn, to unlearn, and to strengthen the bond that brought you here in the first place.
Support is always available. There are communities, counselors, resources, people who’ve walked this path and want to help you walk it too. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be present.
And here’s something else worth knowing. Trans people who identify and live outside their assigned gender at birth have existed throughout history, in every corner of the world. From the Two-Spirit people in Indigenous cultures, to hijras in South Asia, to fa’afafine in Samoa, gender diversity is not new. It’s not a trend. It’s part of the human story. Your child isn’t stepping outside tradition, they’re stepping into a legacy of authenticity, resilience, and truth. Support them in that journey.
So start there. With love. With listening. With the courage to say, “Teach me.” Because when you do, you’re not just supporting your child, you’re honoring them. And that’s what family is all about.
My Support is with you, Uncle Gary
